people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
