this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
