I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
