So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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