he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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