put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
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