bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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