I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
