I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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