Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
