If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
