so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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