All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
