Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Randomize
