Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize