So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
