If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I deserve this hangover.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
