ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
