Apparently you make a good broom.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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