I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
