Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
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