I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
