you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
