she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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