i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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