I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Two words: blizzard sex
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Why is there bacon in the couch?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
