trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
