I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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