I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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