grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
