She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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