Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Is it because I queefed?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Randomize
