You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
