Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Randomize
