Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I will be naked everywhere
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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