I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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