he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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