Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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