Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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