Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
