The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
