Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
