is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize