Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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