I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I need to stop coming to work sober
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
