So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
