i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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