the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
