Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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