I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
