She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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