a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
