Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
