To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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