evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
