Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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