Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
