How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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