Already got asked if we're dating
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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