my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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