i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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