He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
