maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
