so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
