Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
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