Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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